#going to dramatically overshare

[fat-fem-and-asian]

in the sense that writing fics are kind of more fun when they're like essays where you gather external references and find a cohesive theme that actually tries to say something

[thatswhatsushesaid]

i cannot overstate my father’s borderline saintly forbearance regarding my mother’s outrageous fuckery

because when he found out that my mother had literally lied to him about having terminal cancer for the sole purpose of tricking him into marrying her, this was not enough to make him leave her. they stayed married for nine years.

i wish i knew what the final straw was, honestly, because her starting gambit was already so bold. even all the other fabrications i found out about years later don’t quite stick that particular landing. was it when she claimed she was a michael stipe groupie? no, she was a keith richards groupie. no, she used to pall around with the talking heads. no it was michael stipe—

anyway this is why i don’t even bother asking my mother about any hereditary issues that i might have inherited from her side of the family, who knows what unhinged and entirely fictitious nonsense she will trot out.

[reitziluz]

i'm planning on making some overly complicated choco chip cookies for a little party i was invented to this weekend. mostly because i had been looking for a excuse to make them anyway, but also because i want to have a weapon/shield incase the host's extended friend group is worse than he is about gender n all.

the worst part is that the recipe has you make the dough two days before you bake the cookies. and i want to eat them now

[royalreef]

(( As a kinda silly OOC thing: I like conceiving of Miranda (and her connections through the Merkingdom) as being an anti-OP muse.

As in, I like the thought of, the more OP someone or something else is, the worse of a time they have being able to do anything to Miranda. She is, very intentionally and within the logic of her own universe, designed to be able to handle those with extreme power and authority and to be able to undermine everything they can throw at her and counteract anything that they try to do.

She's already a royal, next in line to her throne! She has to be able to fully handle other people in similar positions without risking any damage to her own, and this is something that she's dealt with her entire life. She very much knows all the risks associated as a part of her job, her title, her entire reason for being born, and she's well-trained in the formal and informal methods of striking down anyone else who might even come close to a position to her own.

Which, of course, means that muses that very much aren't OP, that are just normal people or much closer to it, are much, much more capable of threatening Miranda and the Merkingdom both as a point of intention. This is something that I very much want and very much want to encourage. Especially because the reason this is such a problem is the way that the Merkingdom and, thus, Miranda, entirely overlook and ignore such threats and treat them like non-issues. The fact that most Merkingdom royals, upon actually encountering a landfolk, have a range of responses from discomfort to dismissal to ignorance, is one that is very purposeful here. The ones that they're most likely to pay attention to are the ones in the most danger, and the ones that they aren't likely to care very much about beyond petty malice and as another means to inflate their own egos. And, as it is, the ones they're most likely to pay attention to are those that have decided to pose a risk.

And it's a thing that I've been dealing with from the beginning too. From the start of this blog I was very bothered by the idea that some OP character would decide to singlehandedly "fix" or destroy the Merkingdom from a position of equal or greater authority. Which is not to say that I didn't want it to be changed or that there weren't ways to dismantle it. But rather, I wanted it to be more organic, and I wanted to deal with the actual question of how that even happens, and I wanted to ask the question of what could measurably improve this situation and Miranda's life both.

Which meant that, yeah, the more OP a muse is the more intentionally destined for failure they are, and the closer they approach "some guy", the more they'll be able to achieve. Which is not to say it won't be difficult or hard to do, or that there's not the possibility for failure (again, even at her most basic, Miranda is a macropredator that can easily maim someone, but more typical "normal" muses are more likely to possess caution and try to read her body language before pressing her), but the fact remains, very intentionally, that they are the only ones who will be able to do it.

[crimeronan]

Crying Pathetically With Relief. my doc can't treat my autoimmune stuff without me seeing a rheum but she apparently Can treat my pain, she prescribed some short-term NSAIDs that are way more powerful than ibuprofen & usually offered for post-surgery interventions. i have not had surgery but my flares nowadays release comparable inflammation so. i didn't actually know that there are non-opioid non-steroid painkillers that work well for this. took the first one just a little bit ago so we'll see how much it helps 🤞🤞🤞

[ohmyminsung]

may or may not have inadvertently come out to my mom lol ???

[rainswept]

those praying on my downfall you’re winning 😞🙏

[vimbry]

saw a really fun show tonight! got home took pee and became an ex-member of the never passed out club

[glimpsesofeuterpe]

i am still sick but feeling better (had like 20 hours sleep time)

[avatardoggo]

sooo a friend might have a crush on me and idk what to do

[wigglesforsquiggles]

doing great atm. absolutely fantastic aha

[bivht]

Astrology Observations

😎Virgo moons are polite and respectful until you cross their boundaries. But people accuse them of being rude even when THEY were the ones put in a super uncomfortable situation

😎Aquarius and sagittarius placements are free-spirited. You tell them to do something and suddenly it’s an obligation rather than a choice and they don’t want to do it anymore lmao

😎Cancer risings and their low-key unhealthy relationship with food :0

😎Taurus is branded as the foodie of the zodiac but I think Sagittarius is the ultimate foodie

😎I like to see the moon sign as who a person is at their core. And the moon sign in your mercury persona chart is very insightful to how you express yourself.

for example:

Aries moon- expresses themselves passionately, perseverant, doesn’t give up easily, likes to keep things tidy, hard working, could be naggy, aggressive

Taurus moon- sweet and charming way of talking, logical, doesn’t like believe anything without concrete evidence, self care, words of affirmation, has definitive personal boundaries, slow down when you’re eating babes, when they’re toxic they’re some of the worst kinds of toxic

Gemini moon- domicile (home sign), real sweet talkers, witty, critical thinking skills on point, charmers, just the right amount of flirty, know how to talk themselves out of a situation, scatterbrained, PERFORMERS

Cancer moon- sweet, will remember your birthday, wants to include everyone, confused easily, overstimulated easily

Leo moon- humorous, dramatic af, will spread love to whoever gives them attention, gives their love to everyone, critical thinking not their forte

Virgo moon- domicile, polite, respectful, knows how to remain professional in awkward situations, hates the feeling of being stuffed full?? 7/10 full is sufficient for them, due to this they’re usually slim, “perfect” self expression, neat and tidy, expresses gratitude for every tiny thing, eats slowly, critical thinking on point, extremely private (esp. about relationships)

Libra moon- diplomatic, likes to agree, charming, soft and sweet but also vengeful, avoids confrontation, talks shit behind backs instead of addressing issue directly with person

Scorpio moon- opinionated, probably a coffee addict, death stares at people they dislike, private but not the same as virgo, virgos tell you things but won’t go into detail, scorpios just won’t tell you. so fiercely loyal, their charm is fatal

Sagittarius moon (detriment)- happy, seems like they’re always having fun, don’t take themselves too seriously, charmers, funny facial expressions, stuff themselves full. they DEVOUR food, tendency to overindulge so can be chubby cheeked, struggle to articulate themselves in a professional manner, hates being nagged, lacks critical thinking, they get bored easily so consistency is an ongoing struggle, can be flirty

Capricorn moon- logical, down to earth, realistic, charming, articulate, their smart little jokes, a bit reluctant to try new things but they will, loves feeling in control (more than anyone else), really patient, consistency is key, can be rude and dry, may make shy, insecure people shifty

Aquarius moon- they talk in a very self-important way, very recognisable tone of voice, an intellectual, research whore, likes to share their found knowledge with people, lecture people, full of themselves

Pisces moon (detriment)- ehhem OVERSHARER to the T, silly humour, a bit unreasonable as they don’t follow logic, poor critical thinking skills, either super empathetic or lacks any empathy, can be flirty

😎More of an assumption but Leo+Virgo (and/or taurus)= hating slimy and mushy textures like eggplant, okra, durian

😎Chiron in the 6h can be obsessed with hygiene and cleanliness. My brother has this and he will not eat from the same spoon or drink from the same straw as anyone else, not even his own mother. He’s criticized and scolded by his mother because of this

😎A mother with 10h mercury is scrutinizing their childrens’ speaking abilities and how they interact with people in public

😎Aries mars has a fit looking body

😎People with sun 1h in the mars persona chart can seem really athletic

😎Sometimes individuals with neptune hard aspects (esp. square) are accused of having a mental illness (bullied)

😎Mars square neptune is a really anxious placement. Their panic is so clear on their face. They get really nervous about things more than others. Their intentions are confusing and people find it hard to figure out what your intentions for your actions are

[yuyusuyu]

the princess treatment chronicles!

pairing. non idol! best friend! song mingi x non idol! fem! reader

synopsis. the five times you accidentally completed the steps that would make mingi swoon also known as the five times you accidentally gave him princess treatment and he kept falling harder for you each time

warnings. mentions of food, getting sick, fire (someone get mingi away from the grill), cursing (wooyoung naur)

genres. romance, fluff, comedy, best friends to something more

ft. non idol! ateez

wc. 3k

pt 2. here !

a/n. happy birthday to our lovely mingi :( (this was supposed to be posted in two days wtaf 😭 guys pls just ignore and pretend it was posted on his bday 😭 my queue os my biggest enemy now)

reblogs and comments are appreciated! helps with not getting shadowbanned!

MINGI has a list. it's a special list to him, one that speaks volumes about him.

speaks volumes about a step-by-step process on how to make him, song mingi, fall in love with someone.

now, this list is hidden in his notes app, and the physical copy of this is hidden in one of his math notebooks from high school. he is the only person to know about this list, other than his best friend, of course (only because yunho accidentally saw him writing it out instead of doing math homework with him).

yunho calls it 'a step-by-step guide to the princess treatment' but mingi likes to correct his friend, telling him that it's actually called 'the way to song mingi's heart.'

yunho likes to call it otherwise.

but what does that have to do with you? well, for starters, mingi met you through yunho. it was completely accidental. according to yunho, he was never going to introduce you because you're like a little sister to him and you might end up stealing mingi from him by being your lovable self. instead of that happening, you two had instantly clicked and the three of you became a little trio, one that somehow always managed to spend time with each other everyday.

crazy.

how mingi and yunho managed to keep the list a secret from you, they have no idea (and yunho has no idea why mingi doesn’t want you knowing. the three of you tell each other everything to the point that it can be seen as oversharing at times), how they’ve managed to keep this list hidden from you for so long—three years, to be exact.

until now, that is.

STEP ONE TO MAKE SONG MINGI FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU: RUN INTO A PUBLIC PLACE IN A DRAMATIC MANNER WITH SOMETHING OF IMPORTANCE TO MINGI ! (IT SHOWS THAT YOU CARE VERY MUCH ABOUT HIM TO THE POINT OF NOT CARING ABOUT HOW OTHER PEOPLE SEE YOU)

mingi frowns as he looks down at his phone, eyebrows furrowed when he looks up at yunho. “she’s ten minutes late.”

yunho nods, also frowning. “maybe something came up and that’s why she’s running late?”

slumping down in his seat, mingi sighs, grumbling, “yeah, but she would’ve texted us by now if something happened. you know how yn is…”

the bells of the café entrance chimes, signaling the appearance of a customer. mingi, at this point, has given up checking if every new customer that walks into the café is you. he folds his arms on the table, resting his head as he pouts.

“oh yn!”

and then he immediately perks up in his seat, excitedly turning around to face you. yunho gets up, giving you a hug before ushering you into the seat next to mingi’s.

“i’m so sorry,” you wheeze, “i was going to text the group chat but then my phone died.”

yunho tilts his head. “your phone died? you don’t usually use your phone while you have a shift at the restaurant.”

“i don’t,” you say, running a hand through your tousled hair. “but i forgot to charge my phone before i left my place, and then when i went to that doughnut place, the lines were ridiculously long but i was already in line so i decided to suck it up and—"

“woah,” laughs mingi. “slow down.”

“sorry,” you mumble, sighing and taking in a breath before continuing. “i went to the doughnut place that just opened up. i read on a forum that wednesday afternoons are usually the slowest, so i decided i’d stop by before coming over to the cafe to study with you guys. when i got there, there was already a line that was about to start wrapping around the store, so i had to beat this lady next to me that wanted to get in line.”

“a lady,” yunho repeats, chuckling. 

you hum. “yeah. i beat her to it, by the way. anyway, i was checking the time and saw it was already nearing the time we decided on, so i was in the middle of sending a text when my phone died.” you take out your phone from your tote bag along with a box.

it’s then that cogs in mingi’s brain starts working when he eyes the cursive lettering on the box.

“oh, isn’t that the doughnut place mingi’s been wanting to try out?” yunho asks, hands stretching out to grab the box.

you slap his hands, earning a laugh from the taller male as he brings them back to his side. “yes,” you reply, side-eyeing yunho. “meaning this isn’t for you.”

grabbing the box, you sheepishly smile at mingi, handing it over to him. “i know you’ve been trying to find the time to go over and try their doughnuts, but since my workplace is closer… i mean, why not?”

“excuse us for a second,” mingi mumbles, leaving you confused as he grabs yunho’s arm and drags him over to a corner in the cafe. once you’re out of earshot, mingi clears his throat. “what the hell was that?”

“what was what?” whispers yunho, blinking as he watches mingi glance over at you. you’re in the middle of trying to tame down your wild hair.

“she just completed step one.”

yunho gasps, turning mingi around by his shoulders. “no way,” he says. “did you tell her about the list?”

“what? no!” he cries out. “how did she even do it? yunho, i swear if you told her—”

“that’s not my secret to tell!” yunho whisper-shouts. “listen, this was probably a one time thing. there’s no way she even knows about it. plus, maybe she was just feeling a little generous today towards you!”

mingi slowly nods. “yeah,” he mumbles. “yeah, you’re right. let’s head back before yn starts asking questions…”

yunho was not right.

STEP TWO: IN MINGI’S TIME OF NEED, DO WHATEVER YOU CAN IN ORDER TO MAKE HIM FEEL HAPPY (THIS IS TO SHOW THAT YOU WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HIM NO MATTER WHAT TIME IT IS OR WHAT YOU’RE DOING)

mingi grumbles as he kicks his shoes off and drops his things on the floor by the door, closing it and shuffling over to his room as he angrily sends a text to the group chat.

it’s already one in the morning. yunho is most likely gaming and you’re most likely already sleeping. regardless, mingi still sends a text and doesn’t bother waiting for an answer as he flops down into his bed face-first.

he barely manages to make out the sound of his phone ringing. he blindly searches for his phone until his hand finally finds it. grunting, he brings it to his face, his eyes squinting at the screen from the brightness in comparison to his dark room.

yn: you still have your spare key in the same place, right?

mingi: i thought you had my spare after last time?

he sees that you’re in the middle of typing, so he waits until you finally send another message.

yn: oh

yn: yeah, you’re right. just found it on my keychain 

mingi: i’m always right

yn: mmmmmm i wouldn’t say that but sure…

mingi: bruh

again, the typing bubble pops up on his screen before it disappears. mingi’s a bit confused, he won’t lie. he thought you would already be sleeping, but you weren’t. he snorts. “she asked me about my spare key instead of what’s wrong…?”

he shakes his head, stuffing it into his pillow. “whatever,” he mumbles.

mingi swears he’d only closed his eyes for a brief moment when the sound of his door unlocking fills the air. he stiffens in his bed before scrambling off, fumbling to find something to protect himself. he unplugs the lamp by his nightstand and grips it tightly, quietly tiptoeing towards his door.

“mingi?”

“yn, what the hell?” mingi groans, stepping out of his room and walking into the living room area of his apartment.

you narrow your eyes in confusion, pointing at the lamp he’s still holding. “why do you have a lamp in your hand?”

“the real question here is why are you here?” he huffs, leaning down to put the lamp on the floor. mingi then crosses his arms over his chest, “and why aren’t you sleeping?”

“i was about to sleep,” you say, walking past mingi and into his room. he follows you, his mouth open in surprise. “but then you texted that you had a shit day, so here i am.” you drop the bag you’re holding onto his bed, turning around. “now why the hell did you have a lamp in your hand?”

mingi clears his throat. “i, uh, thought someone was breaking in…”

you snort, sitting on his bed and patting the space next to the bag. “that’s funny, mings. no one is going to break in if you’re a broke college student.”

huffing, he grumbles as he sits down on his bed, bringing his knees up to his chest. “shut up.”

“mhm,” you hum. “now tell me about why you had a shit day while we eat some of your favorites, yeah?” you stick your hand into the bag and take out one of his favorite snacks, opening the bag and handing it over to him while you shift around to face him.

he thinks his heart started beating a little too fast for his liking.

STEP THREE: WHEN MINGI IS STRUGGLING TO DO SOMETHING, JUST DO IT FOR HIM WITHOUT EVEN ASKING IF HE NEEDS ASSITANCE (THIS IS TO SHOW THAT YOU NOTICE WHEN HE IS STRUGGLING)

you look between yunho and mingi. yunho’s trying so hard not to laugh, but his smile gives him away. he obviously finds mingi struggling to light the grill amusing. 

“c’mon,” you slap yunho’s arm, earning a whine from him. “don’t be a bully.”

“yeah, yunho,” mingi says, looking up for a brief second to glare at him before looking back at the box of matches in his hand. “don’t be a bully.”

you gently take the box away from mingi’s hands, taking out a match and striking it against the box, a flame appearing. you grab the lighter fluid and pour some on the charcoal before  chucking the match into the grill, a fire immediately coming to life.

mingi gasps and hides behind you, startled. yunho laughs at the sight. “no way you’re hiding behind yn right now,” he says, wiping tears away from his eyes. “she’s literally so short compared to you.”

“shut up, jeong yunho.” you point at him. “or else i’ll change my netflix password.”

yunho gasps. “you wouldn’t dare!”

as you and yunho quarrel, mingi sighs, hiding his face in his hands when he feels the back of his neck grow unbearably hot.

you are doing a number on him.

and he’s a little scared.

because you’re his best friend.

and he can’t believe that his best friend, of all people, would be completing his five-step-guide in making him fall for someone.

he has to talk to yunho soon about this.

STEP FOUR: WHEN MINGI IS HURT, HELP AND CODDLE HIM (THIS IS TO SHOW THAT YOU CARE A LOT ABOUT HIM)

he never got the chance to talk to yunho about this.

after your impromptu bbq day at yunho’s place, mingi ended up getting sick. he didn’t tell anyone, not wanting to bother anyone and burden them with taking care of him. so here he is, laying in his bed, shivering and clutching onto his blankets for dear life.

he hears his front door clicking open, and he groans. “go away!” he croaks, sneezing afterwards. “i have nothing to offer you, you thief!”

you laugh. “seriously? you think i’m some robber again?”

at the sound of your voice, mingi’s heart skips a beat. he clears his throat. “no… what are you doing here? i seriously need to take my spare key away from you…”

“yeah, yeah,” you say, walking into his room and raising an eyebrow when you see the state he’s in. “why didn’t you tell yunho or i about this, mings? we would’ve come running to you.”

he sneezes. “i didn’t want to annoy anyone,” he says, lowering his blankets from his face just to see you.

you click your tongue and walk to the side of the bed, pressing your hand to the back of his forehead. “don’t be silly, mingi. you know we don’t find you annoying… at least i don’t find you annoying,” you mumble, straightening your back and walking out of the room. “i’m going to make you some soup, you weakling! don’t get up!”

mingi lets out a weak laugh, sneezing afterwards. “yes, ma’am…”

“what was that?”

“yes, ma’am!” he yells, his voice cracking. mingi hears you giggle to yourself.

he huffs, pulling his blankets over his head.

when you’re done making the soup, you carry a bowl and some cough medicine into his room and find that he’s asleep. you set the bowl on his nightstand, shaking him awake as gently as possible. “mingi,” you whisper. “mingi, i have the soup. i need you to wake up so that i can feed you.”

“feed me?” he asks, whispering.

you hum, opting to card your hand through his hair that’s been growing out recently. “yeah, i need to feed you.”

“feed… feed me?” mingi screeches, abruptly sitting up. you gasp, almost falling off the bed.

clearing your throat, you reach out to grab the bowl, placing it in your lap and grabbing a spoonful, blowing on it slightly before leaning away. “here…”

mingi stares at you, wide-eyed.

you purse your lips. “mingi, i need you to eat so that you can get better.”

“right!” he says, his voice an octave higher than usual as he moves to eat the soup. when he leans back, mingi sees you smiling at him.

his stomach does some summersaults.

STEP FIVE: TAKE CARE OF MINGI (THIS SHOWS THAT HE IS VERY IMPORTANT TO YOU)

mingi puffs his cheeks out, trying not to laugh as he takes out his keys.

“yunho, i need you to carry the cake… actually, never mind, jongho can you please carry the cake?”

yunho gasps. “yn, do you not believe in me and my capabilities to carry a cake?”

“...no, i don’t.”

“what the—”

hongjoong claps once. “stop fighting!” he says. “mingi’s going to be here any minute now—”

“actually,” pipes up seonghwa. “it says that he just arrived.”

“what the fuck!” wooyoung screams. “guys, hurry the fuck up! he’s coming!”

“wooyoung… stop screaming… you’re giving us away,” yeosang says.

“yeah, what my boyfriend said.” san says.

“san, dude, how many times do i have to tell you that i am not your boyfriend.”

mingi takes in a deep breath before shoving his keys into the lock, the noise going on on the other side immediately stopping. he can hear you all shuffling around until someone whisper-shouts at jongho to go shut the door.

“what the—but i’m carrying the cake?” jongho sounds baffled.

“give me the cake and go stop mingi from coming in! yunho hasn’t finished hanging the stupid banner!” you cry out.

mingi assumes jongho’s laying his weight on top of the door because he can’t push it open.

“did you just call me stupid, yn?”

“no, but i will if you don’t hurry up!”

“guys,” hongjoong sighs, and mingi can bet that he’s rubbing his temples. “i think mingi can hear you.”

he sure can.

“okay, jongho come back!”

mingi snorts, pushing the door open and flicking the lights on. yunho’s awkwardly holding the end of a birthday banner up while the other end is taped onto the wall. hongjoong and seonghwa both sigh in unison at how badly the surprise is coming along, and wooyoung and san are trying to push each other out of the way so that one of them can stand next to yeosang, who is rolling his eyes and trying to shuffle away from the two. jongho stands to your side, the only one who is actually smiling at him—oh, he’s lying.

you’re smiling at him while holding a birthday cake.

“suprise, mings!” you say.

everyone yells happy birthday to him, and somehow he finds himself getting shoved by wooyoung towards the small table he has by the kitchen. you’re standing next to him, laughing as you put the paper party hat on his head, making sure that the thin string is secured underneath his chin before moving to get the knife.

“let mingi cut the cake!” wooyoung yells.

“he could get himself cut, and the birthday boy shouldn’t have to do it unless he wants to,” you chide, glancing up at mingi through your eyelashes. “do you want to cut it, mings?”

he swallows the lump in his throat, shaking his head afterwards. “no,” he breathes out, licking his lips. “you can do it for me, if that’s okay.”

you grin at him, carefully cutting up the cake. you place the slices on plates, making sure that the biggest slice goes to mingi.

oh no, he thinks.

you’ve officially completed his five-step-guide to his heart.

“um, yn?” mingi leans down to whisper into your ear.

you hum in response.

“can we talk for a sec?”

nodding, you let yourself get dragged by mingi into his room. after closing the door, he looks at you and you notice that his ears are very red.

“are you okay?” you ask, pointing at your ears. “your ears are red.”

mingi whines, covering his face with his hand. “can you turn around real quick?”

“okay…”

mingi peeks through his fingers, sighing in relief when your back is facing him. he clears his throat and wipes the palms of his hands on his jeans. “i, uh… would you like to go out for dinner sometime this week?”

“as a date?” you ask, fighting the urge to turn around to look at him.

in a small voice, mingi replies. “yeah… as a date.”

“i’d like that.”

[tiarpopdind]

I was inspired by one of the prompts from MCtober - genderbend your MC.

Um i have many thoughts about this... rant below.....

Was trying to draw genderbent Tris for funsies and never in my life had i been so humbled 💀

Brother got me so stressed out i had to get up to pace around the room while asking myself if i was even deserving enough to be called an artist

I am being dramatic, i apologize.

I think i was trying hard to make her male version look more masculine but at the same time i also really wanted him to have that girly soft features because well Tris is kinda squishy regardless of the gender.

The problem is i think it is either my art style is too feminine and i genuinely cannot draw men (woe is me) or Tris is already somewhat androgynous enough to be both masculine and feminine at the same time so if i overdo one or the other it just won't look like her???

So i ended up with a genderbent version that was identical to the regular Tris... it's almost like nothing changed, except maybe she got taller LOL (artistically an impressive feat tbh...knowing how i can't even replicate my own style sometimes)

And you know what, it IS a little silly, so i'm gonna make that canon ... she is just a creature .... male or female.......

(i'm one step away from making her a nonbinary im tired of this gender bullcrap......

its my own fault i literally stressed myself out for no reason...

Okay but nonbinary Tris doesn't sound bad........ i will consider it...)

This is a embarrassing i feel like i overshared a little LOL maybe i just think a lot about genders and stuff...

Sorry to the people of tumblr who had to read this ily ill go back to being quiet and mysterious now ♡♡♡♡

[chugging-antiseptic-dye]

shadow characteristics of seventeen 🌘:

vcu version I ppu version I hiphop unit

jeonghan: loyal

i know all of us like to jokingly tell jeonghan off for cheating in gose but he does that to spice up the atmosphere and make gose fun !! most of the iconic moments are because of his cheating or rule bending and i love him for that 💝 but when not being jeonghan, the trickster member of seventeen, he is a really loyal friend. with the way svt says he is the emotional pillar of the group, i think jeonghan is very ride or die. he is the one who will get drunk with you when you get your heartbroken, the one who will hate the person you hate even without meeting them, the one who will take your secrets to the grave missing jeonghan hours is open T_T

joshua: tense

i feel like joshua is the most relaxed when he is with his loved ones or when he goes home to light a scented candle and listen to soft music. although he is an extrovert, his career can put an internal sort of pressure in him and make him seem a bit tense at times. if you pay attention, when in a public setting, he is always aware of what he says and does. so, yes, the crazy is also somewhat deliberate. impulsiveness and shua doesn't go hand in hand i fear. and that sort of constant awareness can be extremely draining for a person. i hope he gets to unwind and just be joshua when the camera isn't rolling.

woozi: chaotic

woozi loves chaos. he thrives on chaos. he eats it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. the more dramatic a situation is, the better. just because he, himself, isn't starting the drama in front of the camera doesn't mean that he doesn't egg the others on lmao. hoshi is his one of his best friends for a reason 🤓👆. i bet my whole fortune (2$) that he is more loud and dramatic than we know. and i am talking about scoups level of dramatic. nonchalant? no. ALL THE CHALANT !!

dokyeom: private

all of seventeen are good at keeping their lives private (which i hundred percent support !!) but dokyeom doing it hits me hardest since he is one of the yappers and chronic oversharers of the group i love him sm. even in his daily life, i feel like if he doesn't want to share something, it will never see the light of the day. he will bury it deeper than the mariana trench. i really respect his moving in silence agenda ngl.

seungkwan: silent

seungkwan is a born entertainer 🙌 but he is a lot quieter than we see from the outside. i remember him once saying he really appreciates jeonghan bc he leaves him be. seungkwan has high expectations from himself when it comes to his role as an idol or entertainer. that's why i feel like only once he is alone or with his close people, he lets his metaphorical hair down and just becomes seungkwan, a person i hope he gets to do that everyday.

[sixleggedboar]

Hello everyone, since it's been very quiet on here I wanted to share an update for those who are wondering and the friends and mutuals I've been severly neglecting.

You'll find me oversharing under the cut but tldr, I am still in the middle of recovering from burnout, but it forced me to completely restructure my life to the degree that I am emotionally more stable and therefore feeling better than ever. So for anyone worrying, don't. I still have a long way to go, but I have the privilege of a good and reliable support net that caught me and offers me the resources I need to be able to build the life I need. I want to come back here, share more art in the future, but I will not force it.

And right now it's just not the time.

Thank you to everyone who's still here, thank you for your support!

CW: mental health, depression, suicidal ideation, internalised ableism

I had been suicidal my whole life. Had never known a time where I wasn't. Couldn't understand how people wanted to live, how this wasn't normal. I couldn't see myself in the future no matter how hard I tried. But I kept going because this was my normal, I didn't know anything else, didn't know I needed help and a change that was a lot more fundamental than just talking to a person every week. I had no frame of reference to communicate my struggle that came with every day life because for all I knew this is just how everyone else feels.

This is just life.

And I am just not made for it.

Didn't help that whenever I tried to communicate that to a mental health professional I just got brushed off as dramatic, being told I am fine.

Because in the end it just works. I function.

I was one of the lucky ones who got diagnosed with ADHD as a kid, mum went to a specialist cause she has it herself and wanted to make sure I get tested so I don't have to go through the same struggles that come with staying undiagnosed as she did. Thing is, that diagnosis didn't really change much, I was still too academically gifted and non-obtrusive to be considered for medical treatment (and honestly seeing and hearing about stories were kids have been on the wrong dosage for years because no one knew better makes me think that maybe it was for the better) and my mum tried to teach me the skills to succeed in life despite that diagnosis, but she herself was alone and too deep in her own trauma to be able to provide the support I needed.

This lead to me cracking and dropping out of high school, trying other things, landing back in school, this time college, and cracking again, this time not managing to immediately get up again to keep going with something else.

Nothing seemed to work, so all I could do was to take a break.

A break that showed me for the first time, that no, chronically wanting to die is not normal, that I am capable of enjoying life, that I am capable of wanting to live and my first goal should be to figure out what I can do to crawl my way back into everyday life without losing that feeling, that knowledge. I learned the difference between just a really bad, but perfectly healthy, day and the excrutiating pain day to day living had caused me until that point.

And that break's been going on for over a year now, with me periodically trying to get back into school, trying to figure out what accommodations I need and how I can build a future for myself that is worth living.

I don't know if I'll finish my bachelor's, probably not, but if I drop out I'll need to find a viable alternative first. I don't think I'll ever be able to work full time, doubt I'll ever be able to fully support myself, but I know there is a future out there for me somewhere, one that is worth living to me and that is a hope I never had until recently. That is what I mean when I say I am doing better than ever, despite the fact that my functionality has effectively crumbled to dust and diagnostics say I am still depressed.

I am still struggling with the guilt that comes with relying on others for support, that comes with not being the perfect productive member of society I am expected to be, that comes with not being the perfect friend I want to be. I learned that I actually do want to work, something that if you had asked me a year ago, and if I felt save enough to be honest, I would have said no to. I just need to figure out what that looks like. I learned I can only focus on a handful of things, and that includes basic survival and individual people. I learned what I need to not feel lonely without being overwhelmed by social interactions and have incredible people in my life who make that possible.

I also met my amazing partner who is showing me how stable and unwavering love can be. Who gives me the security I need to say that whatever comes, we'll figure it out.

Oh and yeah, starting medical transition sure as hell helped a lot too.

I am currently trying to find my passions again, learn how to actually love creating art again, to learn how to learn and find enjoyment in just the act of it.

I'm in therapy and am trying out medications in the hopes to find some that work and don't make things worse.

All in all I'm going somewhere. I don't know where it will lead but I know that it will be worth it.